Giving up porn is hard. Especially if you're addicted to it. 

Should we just give up and deem us powerless over the porn addiction?

Well, maybe not like that, but...let's take a look at something interesting here. 

Giving Up Works With Porn Addiction & Life?

This is John. He's lying in bed in the middle of the night, and he cannot sleep. He has to get up early in the morning, and he wants to be sharp and well-rested because he has an important job. Into you, he's fully aware of the fact that lack of sleep makes us underperform, so he really wants to fall asleep now.

But the harder he tries, the more difficult it becomes. The more he thinks of how important it is to get a good night's rest, the more awake he becomes.

And so, the clock keeps ticking. And then, when he realizes that damn, it's 2 o'clock in the morning already, he goes, "Oh man, I blew it. I'm not getting any sleep tonight. I give up. I'll just stay awake."

And guess what?

That's right, now he falls asleep.

Well, guys, he just stumbled onto something called the law of reversed effort.

The law of reversed effort...

Like the famous philosopher Alan Watts says, "When you try to stay on the surface of the water, you sink. But when you relax and try to sink, you float."

Yes, it's an interesting phenomenon. And the funny thing here is that this tends to happen with almost everything in life.

If you have low self-esteem and you go out chasing girls, but you are very needy and desperately try to get validation from them, it almost never works.

The harder you try the worse it gets?

The harder you try to do that, the less interested they are. But if you just go out trying to have fun, well, then things can start to happen.

And believe it or not, but this phenomenon does apply to long-term goals as well. The more desperate you are for a specific outcome, the harder it can actually be to achieve it.

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But the paradox is that we should still not stop trying...

Now, pull the brakes here because here is where so many people go wrong. You see, once they discover that there is such a phenomenon out there, they go, "Oh, cool. So the secret is to just stop trying, then?"

And yes, in many cases, that really works, like for example with the guy who couldn't sleep. But when it comes to more long-term goals that are more complex, if you just stop putting in effort, there's no way in hell you're going to achieve them.

This is Scott, and he's struggling to get his business working. He's afraid of failing and he just discovered the law of reversed effort. And so he goes, "Okay, since I'm afraid of not getting any results, I'll just simply stop putting in the work, and the results will come".

No, fail!

Giving up is not the solution either...

Obviously, that's not going to work either. But he was actually on to something there. He was halfway there.

And here comes the secret, and I'm being serious now because it actually feels like I'm telling you a secret. Listen to these words very carefully: you take full responsibility for your effort and engagement, but not for the outcome.

The solution is to take full responsibility for your porn addiction, effort and engagement, but not for the outcome...

Yeah, so in other words, if you want to have success with girls, you cannot just go, "Okay, so I should just give up, and the girls will come to me."

And so, you continue to stay inside your house, you keep jacking off to adult sites, and you keep being a 40-pound overweight loser without a job.

No!

You should still put in effort to give up the adult sites, to get in decent shape, and then also put yourself out there. In other words, go hard with the engagement, but you should then simultaneously let go of the outcome.

Ease up on the outcome...

I'm telling you, guys, once you learn how to balance between these two, this is when you start skyrocketing forward in life. If you remember only one thing from this video, make sure it's the following words: you want to be the most engaged yet least attached.

Have any of you ever wondered over the alcohol recovery 12-step program where one of the steps is something like "admit that you are powerless over the alcohol"?

Now, how come that works for some and not for others? Well, that's right because some people then obviously go, "Oh, so if I'm totally powerless, I might as well keep drinking then."

So that was a complete fail!

Go hard, but don't worry so much...

But then there are others who keep putting in the work but they let go of the outcome, and they stop worrying so much about what if I relapse. And so, for them, it then actually works.

So, in my opinion, then this step is not good. It has some value in it, sure, but it's only half of the secret because it only addresses the attachment part. Also, they shouldn't use the word "powerless" because that can completely demoralize people.

But to get my point, the reason it can still work for some is that they get lucky and happen to then find the right balance between putting in the work and the letting go part.

So, how does this apply to NoFap and quitting porn, then?

Am I saying you should just give up?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

But it does apply in several ways.

For example, if you are afraid of your urges and you resist them, then you are actually more likely to relapse.

Don't be afraid of porn craving - and don't resist them...

Let the urges come, and then just notice them without judgment.

Surf on them, and they will go away after a while.

Or, if you are staring yourself blind on the day counter to the point of you starting to obsess about the numbers, well then you could also start making it harder for you than necessary.

Now, that's not to say there's anything wrong with counting days. It's how you do it.

I hope you get that.

Don't obsess.

So, do all the hard work, put in the effort, but don't obsess over the results. And guess what? The irony of that is that then the universe is more likely to actually give you those results.

If you need help with your porn addiction...

Lastly, as overcoming a PMO addiction can be a bit tricky, if you find yourself struggling and failing again and again, then perhaps consider getting some help. You can, for example, reach out to me for a one-on-one coaching session.

But I'm not just saying that to promote myself here. No, you can just as well seek out some local therapists in your area or find some other help.

But if you have been trying for more than six months and you keep relapsing, you should really consider doing something with someone because, unfortunately, addiction is progressive, meaning it tends to get worse over time.

If you need help, then there is also the possibility of doing an online course at your own pace.

In order to know what courses I should recommend, I have been checking out a special system, and I really have to say, it produces phenomenal results.

This is a course using something called habit construction therapy, which is a powerful thing, especially when it comes to quitting addiction to adult sites.

You can read full reviews of the course that I'm talking about in the following articles here...

• Dopamine Discipline review
• Constantly clicking to a new porn clip (why does this happen?)
• Best Online course for quitting porn - HCT Method Review
• A Good online course for quitting porn addiction